What really is Submission?

What is submission?
Submission is a word that we hear tossed around pretty often lately but I often wonder if most people really understand what it means. Being a "submissive" has become very popular in the D/s, BDSM fad that is sweeping the chat rooms and websites. There's even a fashion and cultural trend based on some of the facets of the BDSM lifestyle. You can find collars and leather fetish items being worn by the rich and famous or you can have dinner in one of New York's newest, trendy restaurants that features all the trappings of the lifestyle dungeon, complete with submissive waiters and waitresses. All of these things are interesting and amusing but they are not a true picture of
what it's all about. Submission isn't a fad or a role playing game that we see so often online and at clubs, and you aren't a submissive because you like to be tied up and have kinky sex once in awhile.





So what is it? Submission is the act of surrendering some or all of ones personal power to another person. It's allowing someone else to control your body and behavior within certain preset limits. This must be a willing act on the part of the submissive or the boundaries of abuse have been crossed. The methods and levels of submission are infinite. Each person must decide how much and how far this exchange of power will go but the rules of "safe, sane and consensual" must always apply.
Why does anyone do this?


I believe there are three distinct types individuals who fall into the definition of submissive.(these are my own ideas)


The sexual submissive. Also known as a bottom or sensual sub. This type of submissive is into it mainly for the sexual gratification derived from some of the activities practiced in BDSM. Once their needs are met they no longer feel a need to submit or surrender any other personal power or control.





The psychological submissive. This group contains many of the masochistic submissives. They are into it for the pain, punishment and humiliation often inflicted on them by more sadistic dominants. Many abused individuals often end up in this category and are not actually submissives but may have emotional problems that keep them in the "victim" mode because of their previous experiences.





The natural submissive. Also called true submissive. This type of individual seems to have been born submissive. It goes beyond the sexual aspects of the BDSM and is a normal part of their makeup. It is their nature to please others and readily relinquish their personal power with little or no urging from their dominant.




So which one is right?

All of them or none of them, depending on your views. Each person must do what is right and fulfilling for them. There have been countless, needless argument over who is and who is not a "real" submissive. Some start out as a sensual sub with little interest in pleasing anyone but themselves and end up growing into some of the most beautiful submissives in our lifestyle. It's not the right of anyone to judge who is and isn't submissive based on what activities satisfy them or how many scars or piercings they may have.

Submission is a condition of the heart and only the individual knows what is in theirs.



I believe that humans are no different. It's important to understand that I see a big difference between being a "submissive" and being a "bottom." A bottom is someone who will, for sexual gratification, become submissive for a given period of time, i.e. for a sexual encounter in the bedroom or during a BDSM scene. They have no other desire to continue a power exchange beyond the confines of a particular scene. Many can easily switch roles in these scenes and become the top or dominant. This is very different from a natural submissive who, by nature, has submissive desires that are not limited to sexual activities.


Some Different Terms
I'd like to bring up another "touchy" subject to some lifestylers and that is the difference between BDSM and D/s. BDSM has been defined as B-D-S-M with the "B-D" being bondage/discipline, the "D-S" meaning dominance/submission and the "S-M" for sadism/masochism. Some consider all these terms to be interchangeable definitions and activities but I think it's very misleading to most novices. D/s does not fit in with the other terms for one major reason. Domination/submission is a description of a lifestyle. BD and SM are two things people do. Some D/s couples readily accept these two activities as part of their relationship but a large percent of D/s couples do not embrace activities that are based on giving or receiving pain.


So what separates the masochist from the submissive?
My answer would have to be motivation. A submissive is motivated by the desire to please and to serve. When pain becomes necessary for satisfaction or fulfillment, the relationship has moved beyond my definition of the D/s lifestyle and had moved more toward S/M. When pain becomes the motivation and gratification comes from receiving pain, the person could best be described as a masochist. This difference is often evident in the behavior of these two types of personalities. A SAMmy (Smart Ass Masochist) deliberately misbehaves or challenges their dominant in order to receive the punishment (pain or humiliation) they crave. Outside the confines of a scene or other sexual encounter there may be very little submission evidenced in the relationship. A submissive (one who desires to submit) is constantly striving to improve their behavior in order to please their dominant by surrendering to his/her rules and expectations. Submission, in the confines of a D/s relationship, is not measured by the amount of pain one can endure, instead it is measured by the amount of control one has relinquished to their dominant.



Is one better than the other?
No, not to anyone but the people in the relationship. Just keep in mind that pain or bondage are not the basis for determining a dominant/submissive relationship. It's based on a power exchange and not the trappings of the people involved. Don't automatically assume all submissives want or need to feel discomfort or pain (beyond erotic pain) to experience submissive tendencies and desire to relinquish control.


Here are just a few facts about submission that might give you some more insight.

Submission occurs in both males and females in about equal proportions. Although men and women may express it differently, they share this trait.
Submission is not a sign of weakness or inferiority. Some of the strongest, most successful people in our society are submissive in their personal relationships.
Submission does not indicate lack of intelligence or motivation. Most submissives are very intelligent, creative and are highly motivated people.
Submission is not a hidden desire for pain or humiliation. Some masochistic people may turn to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle in order to fulfill their needs for these things but there are many more gentle, loving individuals who are quite happy not to receive either humiliation or pain.


Submission is not the same as passivity. Submissives are not passive. They participate actively and are thinking individuals.

Submission is not something that can be demanded or forced. The definition of the word means it is a willing act. A submissive submits because they have chosen to do so, not because someone forced them.

Submission is not a miserable state of existence. Most submissives are happy, well balanced people who are simply fulfilling their nature.

Submission is not slavery. All slaves are submissive but not all submissives are slaves. A submissive has not given up their right to choose but has given some of those choices to another to make for them. They have input into their relationship and maintain their identity.

Submission does not indicate sexual promiscuity. Submissives are not sex crazed nymphomaniacs who cannot control their drives. Most are husbands or wives, mothers or fathers, friends, neighbors, workers, or family members who have a need to relinquish control of some aspects of their lives to someone they trust. It isn't a sex thing...it's a condition of the heart.




So tell us is it Reality or Fantasy?

Have you ever had a experience that you would like to share?

(please leave Comments)

Safer Dominance & Wax

The usage of hot wax is an often found technique in BDSM, a unique sensation which is either loved or hated.

First of all - be very careful - wax can burn you very badly!

The temperature is highly dependant on the kind of wax you use. Don't use beeswax, it gets very hot and can cause serious injuries.
Additives do make a difference in the temperature of the candle's wax, but the ones to watch out for are hardeners such as those used in dripless candles. Often the most expensive candles are the ones that burn with the highest degree of heat, for a beginner you will want to start with cheap, paraffin based ones (simple white paraffin candles).

Before you use dripping wax on your partner - try it out on yourself (on a sensitive spot like your wrist), so you will know how it feels and which height might be the best for the wanted effect.

Be careful when dripping wax on regions where you already left wax - these spots cool down slower and you can seriously hurt you partner.

Don't forget you are playing with fire - means: A bucket of water or a fire extinguisher can be useful things.

Peeling the wax off, can be as much fun as dropping it. As it pulls away from the skin, the sensation is very intense, and running a feather or even a tongue over this sensitized skin is a very sexy way to prolong the waxing session.

Wax on hair can be a real pain - especially when trying to peel it off under the shower later - think hard before you do it :-)

Don't forget - Wax can be dangerous - you don't want to hurt your partner seriously, always remember: it should be fun for both.

Is it ok for WOMAN to be Dominate?

I had a rather interesting weekend!

My husband and I got into a rather interesting conversation. It might not be that interesting to me because it got quite nasty meaning he was rude about it. but to other s it might get you thinking about it. and you can ask yourself this question as well.

(D is my husband)

On Sat. nite "D" said that he would go to church with me on sunday.

Sunday came along and he looked at me and said "I don't think I can sit there" now take it from me he says this a lot to me (every sunday).I didn't say much except ok whatever and then I left for church myself.

Ok I got home and I went to change out of my Sunday sweater into a sweatshirt as I sat on the bed D touched my back and I looked over at him and I didn't have smile yet, but I thought to myself just leave it alone Laur - so I did nd I had a pleasant smile.

Well I decided what the heck he was going to get out of bed if I had to sit up on him and tickle him or kiss him or whatever. So I did and I straddled him and he thought oh boy now this is getting good so we kissed abit and he was passionate about it. Then I sat straight up and he tickled me abit and then we had small talk and then he said "is this what you learned in Church Laur" he said it as a joke and laughed and I laughed too. I said "yeah right ok and said No" and laughed Then he persisted to touch me in places I wasn't ready to be touched because I wanted to seduce him 1st so I said nicely "no you can't touch me there yet, you have to wait" he laughed abit. Then I told him" let me make you feel good first" He then tried to touch my breasts and I said "no not yet and let me do what I was planning to do" He got upset and pushed me off and turned away from me. I thought ok what the world is going on here. So I tried to touch him and he shoved my hand away. I tried to talk to him about it and he told me that "A woman has no right be dominate" so I tried to find out why and I explained that all I was trying to do was make him feel good for once and I tried to explain to him that I was trying to seduce him and he ignored me and wouldn't look at me.

So this brought up another conversation (with me only talking now). There has been many times that I have tried to seduce him and everytime I have tried he brushes me off or pushes me away. I asked him what is up with that? He didn't say anything to me and just let me cry. Then I said that I would like to someday be the seducer but if he wouldn't let me then I need to be satisfied too with my wants and needs also. He still didn't say a word. then I asked him if he liked what I was saying - he still didn't say a word. Then I said "well I guess if you keep pushing me way or brushing me off I will just have to figure something else out for myself." Then he said "well there you go." meaning what I don't know?? Then I asked "can a woman be at all in your eyes be a dominate figure and try to seduce you at all instead of you doing all the seducing?"Then I said "I remember you telling me your way back experiences with a few woman you let them sedue you out in a field somewhere and you also told me that while you were in the army you had a few hookers her and there and you let them seduce you as you told me - so why amd I any different?" He then said "well are you asking for permission to go out behind my back Laur?" I said "no I am not asking for permission D but you need to satisfy my needs to and how many times have I tried to seduce you and you would let me? I am tired of it and of you being so selfish and it seems like you are into this just for your pleasure and the hell with mine." He then said "well I guess you want to seduce me into some kinky shit eh." I told him "no I never said that ." I know he is not that kind of guy in the first place. (In my thoughts but not in the open I have thought boy it would be nice to ram something up his arse without lubrication of any kind to let him see how it feels - LOL - but I never told him that - maybe I should?)

I asked him what happened here we were laughing, kissing, cuddling,hugging and etc just few minutes ago but when I was trying to seduce you and being a little dominate some - now this is what I deserve from you? I don't think I deserve to be treated like this from you or anyone. and then he got up and didn't say a thing and walked off from me.

All day there was silence neither of us said a thing to each other all day - he did ask me later to go to the store with him but I never said a word. we got home and about 5:33pm D went to bed and sleep for awhile came back out and leaned over to kiss me and said I love you - I didn't respond and I am not going to. I am tired of him being so selfish.

So does a woman have a right to seduce a man at all? Does a woman have the right to be a dominate figure?

D does like pain - one thing that I think is so weird is that he loves it after sex when he hands me the tweezers and he wants me to pull out the hairs off his back - he says it relaxes him. My Gosh I think that is WEIRD! It is a freaky fetish??? I have never had a guy that loves that as much as he does. But you know what I do it just to please him.

It seems to me that I do a lot of things to please him and he just doesn't want to please me.

Any comments on this would be helpful. Is this normal for a guy to think sex is just for all him?

Is it a work of ART? or not?

I am wife of a wonderful husband that treats me right now and I am a Christian Lady. But is it so bad that I like to show off my body because I take the body as being a form of Art?

I placed some of my photos on Flickr lately of myself in positions that were sexy and sensual. No my Husband did not know that I had done this. I took them off only because I felt guilty for what I did. I know that I have many people that love my digital photographs. But is it wrong to show off myself like that in public? I think my Christianity stuck out there to and so I felt bad for what I have done. But I love to have people look and make comments about my photographs. Is it so wrong to do the things I have done with my nude body? I have a Wild Heart and I love Jesus and My husband a lot. But why do I love to "show off" is it because I look for approval of others? Maybe it is because I don't hear it enough here at home? I know my God loves my body but is it wrong to show it off even if I am married?

I haven't posted in awhile but I need others imput on my situation here. so please leave your comments and be kind.

Yes I have a Wild Heart and I love the attention & I love to show off my work of art.

Wild but Passionate

Some more about me

I am Passionate - Sensual - Sexy - and more.
Some of my friends tell me I have the most Wildest Eyes that you have ever seen! My Husband says my eyes are so Mysterious at times that it is so hard to read me. But all I have to do is give him a look and he knows if I am mad or feeling Sexy. Sometimes he says I have like cat eyes. Purrrrrrr Do I? LOL

Anyhow I love to design sexy graphics like the one you see above for friends. Yes that is me in the design - in fact I just took that photo of me yesterday. Sexy eh? Does my hubby know? NO and as far as that goes I have others too. BUT you have to be on my special list to take a peek at those. For certain Eyes ONLY! LOL

Yep I feel sexy today and I will tell you when my hubby gets home I am gonna jump his bones LOL. There is days where I get lonely so lonely in this house and I tend to get into trouble on the net when I am bored LOL My husband says being bored at home isn't good becuz that is when naughty things start to happen LOL mayyyybe LOL Yes I love to turn the webcam on at times but you have to be that special person in my special little book to see the flesh LOL Yeah I am a flirt on the net. A SEXY HOT WILD FLIRT!! oh yeah and I LOVE TO WATCH!! So in order to see this cookie on my side with the cam YOU MUST have one too - or you will see NOTHING. You must turn your on first!


Here is a little something 4 u to imagine about with someone like me.....





My letter 2 you


As I sit here, well lie here I think of you, and what I would like to do to you and with you. I can't resist slipping my hand down to my pussy, caressing it softly underneath my shorts. Slowly I begin to seek out my clitoris, gently inserting my finger inside my slightly wet pussy thinking of how I would like to kiss you. How soft I know your lips will be, and how nervous we will both be. Of course it would start as a soft quick kiss on the lips, maybe even just a peck. But I know I will not want to pull away, I will want to stay there, and I will want to slip my tongue inside your mouth. The more I think of this the wetter I become and the more lubricated my finger becomes; slowly I withdraw it a little and search for the nub of my clitoris. As I find it I can feel myself 'squirming' slightly as I enjoy the feelings this is creating in me, my mind drifts back to us kissing.

I don't know what it is you have unleashed in me (not that it's a bad thing!) but I can't stop myself from touching your body, almost instinctively I reach out and touch your skin for the first time. Your skin is so soft I can't help myself, as slowly I caress your sides, your back; pulling you closer as I do so. I want to touch you more intimately but I am shy and scared to incase it isn't what you want. Sensing my fear I would hope you would touch me back, softly stroking my back the way you know I love. Sighing slightly against your lips I slowly move my hands to your breasts, shaking slightly as I go. Hoping I was gentle enough and this was making you happy, you know I always worry about hurting you and you feeling uncomfortable. Closing my eyes I can see you before me as I slowly begin to seek out my clitoris, tensing and relaxing myself as I do.

Slowly I continue to caress your breasts and kiss you softly, alternating between soft kisses upon the lips and deep passionate kissing while slipping my tongue inside. Wanting and needing more I can no longer hold back, I need and want to know what it feels like; touching you somewhere I had only recently myself been able to touch on my own body. Making sure you want to go down this road, we head to the bed and lay side by side softly stroking and caressing each others bodies. As I kiss you deeply, I begin to slowly slide my hand down towards your pussy swallowing hard as I am inches away. Praying and hoping you don't pull away now and searching for a sign I tenderly move closer, as I let my fingers touch you I almost hold my breath swallowing hard again against your lips. I would hope a soft moan would escape from your lips against mine letting me know it was ok to continue.

As I lay here my eyes shut, I am thinking of you while I alternate between rubbing my clitoris and coating them with my juices from my wet pussy. Enjoying the feeling of my hand and fingers have upon me, wishing slightly it was your own fingers and hands doing this to me; creating these feelings in me. But that can be for another time; right now all I want is to please you; to touch you; to taste you. Letting my mind drift back to us, I can see the images of us kissing deeply and passionately as I slowly use my fingers to search out your pussy. Having already touched the outer lips I slowly slide one of my fingers inside, amazed at how it makes me feel and hoping it makes you feel the same way. Sliding my finger out of you I begin to seek out the nub of your clitoris, again slowly I stop just short and hold my breath again hoping and praying you don't push me away. Feeling how you don't object and pull away I slowly and softly begin to rub lightly, hoping you are enjoying it taken aback by the fact that I am. Pulling back I want to speak I want to say something, anything but find the words get stuck in my throat.

I feel like it's a now or never moment, I know I will never do this again if it isn't with you. You make me feel safe and loved, if we were an item I wouldn't be scared or shy or worried or afraid I would just feel loved and wanted and hopefully needed.

"Do you want me to stop?" I finally found my voice, finally found the words I wanted to say. Looking into your eyes I see no objection which leads me to my next question, looking you square in the eye I pray this will not upset things between us.

"May I use my tongue on you?" Touching you with my fingers to indicate I want to give you oral, I see a fear in your eyes and know it's not me you see. Pulling my hand away I hold you in my arms, hoping and praying our friendship will last. Knowing it would kill me inside if I lost your friendship over this, although I would know I wanted this I can also see that you don't. You know I would never push, rush or force the issue upon you. Whatever happens or doesn't happen is something two best friends could deal with and not let it affect their friendship, holding you tightly in my arms I kiss your forehead and slowly close my eyes. Feeling how my heartbeat and breath begin to return to normal, falling into a light slumber knowing that I would always love you no matter what.

I am WILD at HEART

Well now some of you know that I have a yahoo group called WILD at HEART. Yep I do too! and what is it about? Well it is bunch of us members that pour out our Secrets, Romance, Love, Sex, Fantasies, share our photos and more. Yes I post in there as well. Why the name Wild at Heart? Well I believe a lot of people a sweet and innocent as they put a good face on but truthfully believe that they aren't as innocent as they look. In fact there are some that have the bad boy or bad girl types but they hide their true feelings out there so others cannot see there Wild sides. So this is why I have a group called The Wild at Heart.

I also have been told many different times that their has been times that my members actually did meet offline and they became such good friends. i think that it GREAT! But you have to remember what to watch for as you really don't know them offline as well as you do online. People can hide many things that you don't want to see, so BE CAREFUL! I also don't take any responsibilities to what you do offline either. Whatever you do just take good care of yourself and be careful.

I have met many people off the net and some of them are STILL my Best Friends and some are bad an I don't see them anymore.

Let me tell you all about a really bad experience my ex hubby and I had - so you know to be careful if you ever run into something like this one:

I will never for get the one time when my ex and I were swinging way back in 1999 and we met this wonderful couple (our 1st time) off of a personal ad site on the net. We did a lot of chatting on yahoo messenger and emailed back and forth & so we all decided that we would do a lot of family type of stuff together at first to get to know them and we also wanted the kids to get to know each other too. We went camping, fishing, went to the parks and more. We all wanted to be really close before we did anything else. I had the hots for Tina and she was such a wonderful person and her husband Steve was sexy as heck too. Tina had the hots for me also and Steve well he was waiting very patiently (it seemed). We all got along so good and so it happened one other time. We thought it was the right time to get it on and so we thought this would be a good time as any, so we set it all up and we all 4 met at a hotel near there place. First we went out to eat to a nice place and we road with Steve and Tina and Pat and I were in the back seat and Steve was always flirting with me a lot and then one went to touch his arm and he turned he grabbed me hard and twisted my wrist HARD and it hurt so bad it made me want to cry - Pat seen it happened and he had a puzzled look on his face and he knew I was hurt but then we both looked at each other and Tina saw what happened to and she looked at me and she knew that her husband hurt me and she went to say something to him about it and he laughed but you could tell he was annoyed by something, you couldn't tell what but you just knew.

Later we met there at the hotel and we brought our swimming suits and thought this would be a great thing to do to break the ice. Everyone seemed to be nervous at first so we went in the hot tub and flirted a bit and then as time went on we all started feeling real good and as we were relaxing during our swim. Then us women went back to the room and the guys strayed behind and they had beer to drink for themselves so they did. Steve got a little plastered but Pat didn't really drink all that much. I was still a little nervous because of what happened in the car but Pat wanted to go through with this anyhow and oh how he had the hots for Tina! Tina & I decided we were going to wash off the chlorine and so we both jumped in the shower together and we checked each other out and started touching and then we kissed and touched more Mmmmm it felt so good and then there was a knock on the door and it was the guys saying hey now let us see what is going on and we are all into this together so open up. Tina did and we got out of the shower and we were both so into each other at this time we didn't have time to dry off and we got on the bed together and started messing around as the guys watched. so Steve got up and joined in and then Pat did also and Pat swapped and took Tina and Steve was with me. I was still nervous to be with Steve and my feelings were hurt by his roughness in the car with my wrists Iw as actually scared to death of this guy in ways. Now at this time Steve was really into me and he was still sorta rough but not to hurt me, he wanted hot sex! He got what he wanted and I loved what he did for me. then Tina and Pat were going at it and Steve said take a photo of it so I got out the polaroid and I took a picture of Tina and Pat together - she was on top of Pat going up and down up and down mmmmmm the view was nice! Steve sat back and watched and listening to Tina moan with pleasure and then out of the blue, Steve got up got his stuff on and was pissed and you knew it. He screamed ok this is enough of this shit I am leaving tina get your stuff together and lets go and if you aren't out here in 5 minutes I am leaving. It was 5 minutes and Tina said I don't know how many times that she was sorry and said she would call me later. Then she went outside and you know what he didn't wait 5 minutes he left anyhow.

So here she come back into the room and was crying and then asked us to bring her home in Altoona and so we did. we pulled up into the driveway and she went in and you could hear them screaming at each other and it made you think let's get the hell out of here - if we can hear it what are the neighbors hearing? So as we went to pull out Tina came crying out of the house and she said sorry again so many times and then Steve stood outside the door and said "Ok Tina if they don't get out of here I will tell the kids why they are really here in the 1st place." Then he called her all sorts of names like Slut, Hore and etc. I gave Tina a hug through the window and a kiss and she told me she would stay in touch.

Do you know we never heard from them again! I still to this day worry about her and what she went through after we left. I will tell you you can chat online, you can email online to anyone and people in person can be so totally different. I will tell you this put a BIG damper on our swinging lifestyle then and we didn't want to even think about doing it again after that. 1st I was scared as heck when the guys twisted my wrist and that should have been the 1st warning sign and 2nd when he was snotty with his own wife in the car and 3rd He was rough in bed. These are warning signs that should be thought about before you jump in the sack with someone you really don't know completely.

People have a tendency to hide things YES but after that bad experience you get worried about the next but you know what - we never did find another like that ever - we still swung and had a open relationship and we found the most wonderful people out there that also have a heart of gold and not BLACK like that guy Steve. I believe when you find the right one YOU WILL KNOW deep in your heart.

I don't want to scare you but please BE CAREFUL OUT THERE ON THE WEB OR WHEN YOU MEET - WATCH FOR WARNING SIGNS!

As for my group Wild at Heart I hope that we have some wonderful members in there now that are respectful, loving, caring, and don't hide there Wild Side. Please share your dreams, hopes, and desires - most of all don't hide the real you.


HERE IS THE LINK TO THE GROUP
Just press on it

THE WILD AT HEART